30 Days

What a month. I remember ringing the end of treatment bell June 30th as if it were this morning. And, while I should have probably rested, I jumped right back into the things following that day. I had set aside a number of work and home projects since starting radiation on May 9th. There was no better time to get started back in then the present. It should go without say, though, that I have thought a great deal about the 32 times I laid on the treatment table. I took note of my first full, headache-free day and, a full week later, the satisfaction of feeling energetic enough skip the afternoon nap.

Getting back to work was more complicated then I expected. I was tired. My headache still hurt. I was further behind then I had anticipated. The combination was stressful. Eddie reminded me to forgo my natural tendencies and take things slow, easing back in and focusing on one thing at a time. Still it felt I returned too soon. The realities of catching up combined with new client requests, resuming weekly meetings and attempting to onboard two new employees reminded me that the pace I was used to wouldn’t work—especially with three year old twins. Owning a small business is challenging on its own…add dealing with a health condition that requires numerous appointments every week and a diminished energy level and the demands really added up. Thank goodness I have an absolutely incredible team of talented professionals committed to the work that we do. I  was trying to do it all, plus working out regularly, and my usual, I can handle it all, approach wasn’t working. I felt lost. Lost at my slower productivity, lost in the hustle and lost waiting for some sign that the treatments had worked.

Thankfully both Eddie and Kevin suspected this — I was stressed. Kevin wisely suggested I return to the mat. Eddie agreed and cleared his schedule —once again— so I could take in a class the next day. It worked and that first yoga practice helped me realize that I needed to reframe my perspective of ‘just waiting’.  I have never been good at standing idly by. Waiting until the MRI in September to find out whether the treatments had any affect was stifling. Dr Kliengberg cautioned me on this.

I needed to focus on the here and now. Get back to living and celebrate the moment. The acceptance of this left me immediately lighter, refreshed.

While I remain hopeful that the tumor in my head is slowly dying, at the moment I do still have acromegaly. But, my initial lab results are looking quite good. In fact, I was even able to cut back on the daily injections. A huge win!

Today I even feel stronger and healthier then I can recall having felt in years. I am spending more quality time with Eddie and the twins, family and friends, getting to bed before 10pm as often as possible and making the healthiest dietary choices possible.

I’ve got this!